Learn from a tea bag not from sugar

One of my friends was getting married and we were at her wedding shower. My friend asked every one who were married in the group, "Give me some marriage advise. What are some dos and don'ts?" Every one started talking in turns. Many people gave her valuable suggestions like "Life is not a bed of roses. be prepared for ups and downs." , " put your ego aside when it comes to relationships.", " you are getting married to a man and also being a part of his family. Respect that and be caring for his family.", "Togetherness is more important than anything else. You can fight difficult times easily if you both stick together." and so on.

 

I was thinking what advise can I give her? Life and relationships are the ongoing learning processes and also huge learning institutions. I don't think even a senior person who is married for 50 or so years can give any absolute advise for marriage. Every one has their own temperaments and their own viewpoints. We each have our own way of reacting to the changes happening in our lives. Universe is kind enough and it knows that we need to have our own individual lessons which we need to learn. If this is so then it is really hard to tell that "one thing" which might work in marriage. When we talk about relationships or life, it is almost like the famous Indian tale of blind men and elephant. Every one has their own interpretation of the situation but no one has the idea of complete picture. Even though this is true, sharing your own experiences at any stage of learning is always useful. It is never in vain. Considering this, I decided to share my opinion also.

 

I was thinking that after all these important suggestions,  I can give only one advise to her for marriage or even for life. "Learn from a tea bag and not from sugar." When we add sugar to anything, it adds sweetness to that thing. It's great! We definitely have a lot to learn from that. If we are adding sweetness to the family we are going to be the part of, it's really neat! The only thing I am not comfortable with this is, once added, we can not find the grains of sugar in the pot! Also, it can not be reversed if it is too sweet.

 

On the other hand, the tea bag also adds refreshing flavors to the plain water but never loses it's own basic existence. Over the time, it might have less flavor but it is never gone!

 

I think in relationships also it is very important to maintain our own existence. After all, even your partner must have liked you for what you are. You do not want to give up that identity on which your relationship was based in the first place. I often see many people so dedicated for their family needs that they forget that they have their own existence. I respect such people for their dedication but again I feel your family is the one which will be at a loss if it has an important member with no personal identity. If you yourself do not have ideas about values, good/bad, acceptable/unacceptable, you will not be able to set an example for others in your family.

 

Same way, if you are not happy, you can not spread happiness in your family or around you. if you do not love yourself, you can not love someone else. Loving yourself is not being selfish. It is just resecting an individual who you call Yourself.

 

Also, like my other friend said, life is not a bed of roses. You will see ups and downs. During the time of difficulties, it is again important to be a Tea bag. As humans, we are bound to get affected by the bad times. Though, if we try to keep ourselves emotionally separate from the boiling water, we can act effectively. When you are relaxed, people also interact with you in the relaxed manner and then the problems become less complicated. This is only possible with some amount of detachment from the problems.

 

Hence, I told her, " Your life partner is not your savior or a super hero. He is just another person who will be going through life's ups and downs just like you and feeling all that emotional turmoil just like you. You will have your combined and individual battles to fight. So learn from the tea bag, not from the sugar. " :)